Do you think what to reply instead of what is being said to you? Do you have trouble paying attention? Do you want to know how to significantly improve your active listening skills?
Many times we are more focused on what solutions to provide for the person sharing with us. Our brain passively listens, immediately starts judging, and look for answers. We might not even hear the other person, but our own thoughts.
THE POWER OF DEEP ACTIVE LISTENING
Being heard and understood are delightful feelings.
Active listening builds understanding and trust. It’s a useful skill to possess for better communication with others, at work and home. It’s the key element for stronger and meaningful connections.
So, where does it all go wrong?
Reasons why we don’t understand the message:
– information overload – when the other person provides too much-disorganized information
– selective listening – we focus on a few keywords and ignore the rest of the message
– lack of knowledge – lack of understanding other’s person perspective
– impulses to reply immediately – when our own biases and values form our opinion on the speaker’s subject.
5 Easy ways to become better at active listening today
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Pay attention
The first attribute to active listening is putting yourself out of the way.
The goal is to understand the full message.
Much of the communication is non-verbal, so make sure you focus on body language, the emotional tones, and the specific words they are using.Remember: put your cell phone away and make appropriate eye contact.
Try to be present and be an observer! -
Don’t interrupt and withhold judgements
Active listening is an art. It requires empathy, an open mind and holding criticism. Listening without bias and prejudice can make a huge difference in the communication style. The minute you interrupt someone is the minute you stop learning. As a result – the less information you got, the harder is for the things to get better.
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Reflect
Reflecting is the process of paraphrasing and restating both the feelings and words of the speaker. The purposes of reflecting are: To allow the speaker to ‘hear’ their own thoughts and to focus on what they say and feel. Reflecting is a technique used in active listening to reassure that both parties are on the same page.
“Let me see if I got it. You said… ” -
Ask suitable questions
Be curious! Ask open-ended questions and dig dipper. Get the facts but focus on exploring the root cause of the problem. The key element is how the person feels about the situation, not really the situation itself.
Few of the questions I use to improve my active listening skills:
“In the present moment, what emotional sensation can you identify?”
“Can you say more about that?”
“Why this is a problem?”
“What other options are available?”
“Has there been a time when you felt like this?”
“What do you think the next step should be?” -
Resist the impulse to provide a solution
Often saying things like “Just do this. It’s so easy” can turn on the speaker’s defensive mechanism and send the wrong message.
If you feel like you got “the solution to the issue”, then saying something like “I wondered if you ever thought about that” is a better way to show compassion and help.
Sometimes a specific solution is not needed at the moment. It’s all about the other person feeling valued and understood.
“Do your best to practice compassionate listening. Do not listen for the sole purpose of judging, criticizing or analyzing. Listen to help the other person express himself, but also find some relief from his suffering”
– Thich Nhat Hanh
Which of these 5 ways you are willing to try? Share it with me
Related reading:
How to completely change the way you see rejection
